Last night, I had a familiar taste of my triggering self. It took a long time to calm down and assess the situation. By then, everyone was asleep, and I was left awake, struggling to complete a detailed discussion question for class before the deadline.
Well, enough avoiding the invisible elephant in the room. Here's a little piece of me to you.
Surviving Domestic Violence
Between 2015 and 2019, I was in back-to-back abusive relationships. During those four years, I had two lovely daughters and endured a bittersweet miscarriage.
The loss was bitter because I never wanted to lose a child—twins, no less. One passed on its own, while the other slipped away slowly. But in a strange way, the experience was also sweet, because it freed me from the man who had once held me at gunpoint in a moldy motel bathroom in Dallas.
Fighting to Live
What I learned in those four years:
- I had to fight to survive.
- I had to kill or be killed.
- I was constantly at high risk of losing everything, including my children.
That mindset became my reality, ingrained so deeply that letting go of it felt impossible. I couldn’t afford to become vulnerable, not after everything I had endured. But meeting my husband in 2019 changed that.
For the first time, I saw that there was someone in this crooked world who wanted to love me—not just my survival instincts.
It Was God's Doing, Not DoorDash
I met my husband twice while working as a DoorDash driver. Looking back, it feels unreal.
The first time, he was in Dallas, just off Empire Central Drive. I took the long way there—Mockingbird Lane, Westmoreland—before picking up his Wendy’s order. A simple 4-for-4 meal: no soda, just a large water.
Along the way, I hit a curb, and the bag tilted, sending a couple of nuggets and super salty French fries onto the passenger seat. That was my "meal" for the day.
(I didn't eat for several days because I was trying to earn money to pay for baby's milk.)
I delivered his food in May, right around his birthday. He looked like a bouncer at a club—dressed in a black dress shirt, dress shoes, long socks, and oddly, black swimming shorts.
I barely noticed him then.
No expectations. No pressure. Thankfully, no immediate sex.
Just genuine connection and playing our favorite mobile games.
And for the first time, I felt truly seen.
Since then, I’ve stood by his side. And even now, he’s worth fighting for. Why? Because he feeds me good food and gives me the best belly rubs when I need them most.
Trauma Has No Control Over the New Me
After last night’s episode, I sat quietly in the back bathroom, listening to our new puppy whimper as she practiced her tenacious little bark.
The morning sun stretched beyond the shadows in my mind and gave me a gentle kiss on the ol’ noodle.
"My trauma has no control over the new me," I muttered under my breath.
"While the old me fought to escape, by God's grace and protection, I am not there anymore. I am free, alive, and well. My husband doesn’t hit me. My kids don’t hate me. I am safe... I am home."
Save Yourself: Resources for DV Support
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you are not alone. Help is available.
📞 Local Support:
-
Domestic Abuse Resistance Team (DART) – Provides protection, advocacy, and empowerment for survivors in North Central Louisiana.
- 📍 Location: 108 W Alabama Ave, Ruston, LA 71270
- 📞 Phone: (318) 251-2255
- 🌐 Website: dartla.org
📞 Statewide Support:
-
Louisiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence (LCADV) – Offers statewide assistance, education, and advocacy.
- 📞 24/7 Hotline: 1-888-411-1333
- 🌐 Website: lcadv.org
📞 National Support:
-
National Domestic Violence Hotline – Confidential support available 24/7.
- 📞 Phone: 1-800-799-7233
- 💬 Text: "START" to 88788
- 🌐 Website: thehotline.org
You are worthy of safety, healing, and support. 💙
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